Ask BBB

I get it! Of course there are times when parents need a break. Of course there are times when you must get something done and you need the kids occupied. Of course it is the easy way out. But right you are in questioning how using the screen as a default can backfire. Clearly you know that those exceptional times with screen time use can be problematic.

Simply put, using screen time as a baby sitter or a time filler is not a good idea. While doing so meets the parent’s need to occupy the child, it fuels the child’s craving for more and more and more. Rainy day screen time undermines our earnest attempts to regulate screen use. Our clever children are on the lookout for cracks in the dam, always figuring out when they can wangle some extra screen time, how to get you to change your mind and the limits. All parents seem to need help with that monster, screen time limits.

Experience has demonstrated that the more screen time children of all ages have, the less resourceful, capable and willing they are to entertain themselves. With the younger ones, the more screen use there is, the less able they are to play independently. In addition, the experts who study these things have shared with us the negative effects of excessive screen watching on our children’s developing brains.

And finally, we do know that one Yes! will sustain a child through a thousand No’s. Will an occasional exception “cause damage,” as you asked? Of course not. But know that it will never be forgotten! While life is full of exceptions, our children are masters at remembering the one time that they got what they whined for. You get that.

No parent enjoys a child’s whine, “I’m bored!” And more often than not, a parent isn’t really sure how to curb it. “I’m bored” is another way of the child saying, “I want you to figure out what I should do.” The more we engage it, the more it will continue to happen and be so annoying.

What’s a parent to do? My area of greatest expertise is not in how to occupy your kids. There are many who are more resourceful than I. I can share some Do’s and Don’ts, however, in your effort to eliminate “I’m bored!”

Let’s start with the Don’ts:

• Don’t get angry at your child when he says, “I’m bored.”
• Don’t use a voice that says you are put off.
• Don’t give the child’s perceived “problem” the negative attention that will fuel more of the same.
• Don’t, actually, make any suggestion about what s/he should do. (Nothing will be good enough.)
• Don’t say things like, Go read or Go clean your room, etc. (The child will hear the suggestion in a negative light, as a punishment of sorts, thereby casting a undesirable hue on the activity.)
• Don’t take the bait!
  And the Do’s:
• Do take the time when your child is not bored to discuss ideas for what he likes to do when s/he has down time.
• Do have the child (you many need to help with younger ones) make an actual list of things s/he likes to do, things s/he may not remember. Then post that list.
• Do only suggest s/he has a look at the I’m Bored List when needed. “This would be a good time to look at your list!”
• Do make sure that your child doesn’t have a whole Toys R Us in her/his room. Too much leads to an inability to see what is there.
• Do start the practice of rotating toys in use.
• Do have some “rainy day” toys put away in your room that are not commonly used.
• Do have at the ready ideas of “rainy day activities,” things that you do infrequently or only on rainy days. For example, go out in the rain and search for worms; make slime; make living room furniture into forts, etc.
• Do make sure that your child’s playroom includes a “Creation Station.” This is an area that has many loose parts: scissors, hole punchers, glues/adhesives/tapes, fabric scraps, different kinds of papers, envelopes … the works!

As welcome as all this rain has been, from a parental perspective, enough can be enough! Remember your job is to help your child to learn to be resourceful and independent in many different circumstances, rainy days included.

BBB is a child development and behavior specialist in Pacific Palisades. She can be reached through betsybrownbraun.com.