After going through breakups with their boyfriends, both Marni Kamins and Janice MacLeod felt a mixture of feelings, from devastation to emptiness. They filled the void in a variety of creative ways, which led to their writing “The Breakup Repair Kit.” The first-time authors will speak about their book, published by Conari Press, at Village Books, 1049 Swarthmore, on Thursday, January 29 at 7:30 p.m. Kamins, a Palisades native, and MacLeod, a Canadian, both live in Santa Monica. They met two and a half years ago at a reading of “Transformation Soup” by the author SARK. They felt an instant connection, and later bonded over their shared grieving. Weaving together their personal stories and research about loss, they have written a fun, light-hearted book they call “first aid for the heart.” The small-sized paperback, laid out like a first aid manual and printed in pink ink with whimsical illustrations, is divided into three parts, each made up of short paragraphs and tips: “The Mourning After,” “Rebuild Your Life,” and “Back in the Saddle.” “People going through breakups have a short attention span,” says MacLeod, who initially came up with the book idea in a yoga class. “I had an idea of a girl sitting in a nest.” In the book, this translates into a nurture nest-creating a space to feel one’s feelings, sort of a grown-up version of the childhood blanket fort. The authors also debunk fears, delusional thinking and black-and-white thoughts such as “I have no one left in the whole wide world who loves me.” “It’s ‘Healing 101.’ For a lot of people in their 20s, it’s their first big loss,” says MacLeod. They would get together a few times a week at one another’s homes or at coffee shops, writing down and drawing all their ideas. They later submitted these illustrated pages to publishers. They originally envisioned a kit which, along with the book, would contain candles, facial masks and tea. Kamins, 27, who has a master’s degree in spiritual psychology from University of Santa Monica, is a freelance writer and tutor. She attended Marquez, graduated from Santa Monica High School, and is active at Kehillat Israel. Even though Kamins initiated the breakup with her boyfriend, she still had feelings of loss. MacLeod, 29, a freelance advertising copywriter, had met her boyfriend in Toronto and moved with him to Los Angeles. “The breakup was mutual, but I knew he wanted out-it was very painful,” she says. Encouraging women to be as supportive of themselves as possible, the authors also suggest women focus on something greater than themselves to help them through the pain. The book discusses everything from post-breakup sex to reconnecting with one’s spirituality. In fact, MacLeod cites meditation as the most helpful for her after her breakup. Kamins says for her, it was prayer: “Talking to God out loud or writing a Dear God letter.” Her prayers ranged from “I believe you have a plan for me” to “What are you doing this for?” “Prayer made me feel maybe I really am taken care of, that maybe someone does have a plan,” Kamins says. Offering comfort and understanding, the authors say, “Try not to beat yourself up about feeling bad.” They offer lots of ideas about how to help yourself feel better, everything from “take yourself out to dinner,” to advice on what to do with the “couple” stuff you’re not quite ready to get rid of (photos, letters, mementos). The authors also advocate ceasing all communication with the ex at some point, to focus on yourself and your own healing. MacLeod eventually did that with her ex, and today the two have a friendship. “Guys have been buying the book,” says MacLeod. “Men are inherent problem solvers. They give it as a gift to a female friend.” Readers are encouraged to fill the void in healthy ways. “I felt I had no idea what to do with my time,” said Kamins, whose motive was not to fill the void with food. “It’s about filling the void with creative stuff,” says MacLeod. The book also talks about sadness versus depression, and when a support group or therapist might be helpful. “I’ve gone through a breakup where it feels like you can’t get through the day,” Kamins says. “That’s when you may want to see a professional.” The authors found each other’s company provided a nice support group, which they want to share with other newly unattached women. The last part of the book gives advice about when you’re ready for a new relationship and steps to continue taking care of yourself. Both women are now in new relationships, both having learned from their breakups and subsequent healing. “What I learned from writing the book is that men will take care of themselves first,” Kamins says. “I need to learn to take care of myself first. I’ve gotten better at it.” For more information or for breakup counseling, go to www.breakuprepairkit.com.
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