Dear Vany

Junior Reporter Vanessa “Vany” Masterson answers her latest set of questions from Palisadian-Post readers. If you have a question you would like to send to Vany, email it to mypost@palipost.com.

It makes me sad to even write this but I am not doing well in my math class. Do you have any advice for overcoming not doing well at something, especially when it’s a class at school?

Trust me, I’ve been there before too. One thing I want you to know is that every person at your school, even the ones that are “super smart,” have struggled in a class at school before.

Math can be difficult, but I’ve got some tips for you. The first thing I would do is make an effort to talk to your teacher about your grade and make it clear that you understand that you are struggling and are working to get it up.

Look at your grades, see exactly where you are lacking—whether it is in tests or homework or something else—and be specific and intentional when you talk to them about what you need to do to boost your grade.

I would also see if there is anyone in your area that can tutor you in math. This seems obvious, but I know some people either don’t want to ask for help or don’t want to spend time outside of school doing work, but I’m here to tell you that tutoring can be the absolute most helpful thing when you are struggling in a class.

I would also for sure go to your teacher’s office hours or math lab if they have them. Showing a teacher that you are interested in the material, you just aren’t quite understanding it, will make them like you more.

Another thing is finding the way of studying and understanding that works best for you. Everyone is a different kind of learner. Some like to write things down, others need to hear it out loud, others need to be more hands on. For me, making flashcards and lists of what I need to memorize or complete works best.

You cannot control how your teacher teaches in the classroom, but you can control what you do outside of it to work up to a grade you feel comfortable with. You got this!

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How do you know when it is time to end a friendship? I have had the same friend since elementary school and I feel like we are growing apart now that we’re growing up.

Growing apart is common in friendships, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

The first thing to realize is that the friendships you make when you are in elementary school are completely different from the more complex, intentional friendships you make in middle and high school.

When you are little, you are friends with other kids for very simple reasons. Maybe they are your parents’ friend’s kids, you guys sit at the same table at school, or you both like 4-square.

Trying to keep those childhood friends as you grow and change can be difficult, because you are no longer just a little kid who takes after their parents and talks to every other kid you meet.

But relating to your question of when it’s time for that friendship to end? I don’t believe in ending friendships, unless something really, really bad happens.

Growing apart does not have to mean a full stop to your friendship at all! Not all of your friendships have to be the closest in the whole world, even if they were at some point earlier in life. In my opinion, just texting someone every once in a while and saying “Hi!” in the hallways can be a good enough simple friendship for me.

So while I don’t think your friendship has to be all or nothing, it is also good to know when to start pulling away a little bit. For example, let’s say you have a childhood friend who you have grown apart from a bit, and you are asking them all the time to hang out and get together and they always just say they’re busy and then never ask you in return.

This is a sign that it’s time for your friendship to fade into the simple friendship that I was describing earlier, because they are making it clear that they don’t want anything deeper than that. And that’s okay!

Sad a little? Yes. But if they are giving both of you room to grow apart and still maintain that borderline friendliness between you two, I think that while disappointing at times, this is a very real and honest way to slow down a friendship.

What I wouldn’t do in this situation is keep asking over and over, and almost begging them to hang out with you or be close to you. If they are showing you that they don’t want to be close, then why would you want to be close either?

One thing to remember throughout all of this is that even though friendships that you make as a little kid are very special, many more equally special, important and amazing friendships will come to you as you get older and keep growing.

Never worry about a shortage of friends. For every person who doesn’t want to be your close friend, there are at least five other people that do.

So as you grow, join activities at school, keep talking to people, and who knows, maybe your old bestie will wind up in one of those too!