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PPCC Hosts Regular Board Meeting, Invites Guest Speakers to Discuss Infrastructure in the Palisades

Vahid Khorsand
Photo courtesy of PPCC

By LILY TINOCO | Assistant Editor

Pacific Palisades Community Council hosted its first regular board meeting of the year on Thursday, February 13, inviting local officials to provide updates and discuss the road ahead for the Palisades following the fire.

Board of Public Works President Vahid Khorsand reported on what different teams have been doing, to ensure community members get what they need “while recovery is underway.”

“Overall, a lot of questions have come up, what’s the state of the infrastructure in the Palisades post fire?” Khorsand said. “The bureaus are still assessing the infrastructure. City teams are assessing streets, utilities, the drainage systems … and of course, there are immediate repairs that need to be done, so crews are already fixing some of those urgent issues.”

Because of the rain that week, Khorsand reminded attendees that there will be moments that will further test the community, city services and infrastructure in place. Khorsand said Los Angeles Sanitation had over 50 crews in the area that day, responding to flooding and sewer storm drain calls.

Khorsand also said the Bureau of Street Lights was putting up solar lights in the area, and Streets LA was working with Clean Harbors to conduct debris removal.

“We’re here to help,” Khorsand said. “We want to make sure we get the Palisades back up and running as quickly as we can.”

Assistant Director of LA Sanitation Julie Allen also joined the meeting and provided updates on facilities in the area. Allen said sewer pump stations and water pump stations have sustained fire damage, and LA Sanitation is working on making sure the infrastructure is functional.

She also explained that there is work being done in regard to flood control of the area.

“We’ve been ensuring that we meet the mission of protecting life, property and the environment,” Julie said.

Following Julie, Ted Allen of the Bureau of Engineering spoke to attendees of debris removal. He explained that he is serving as lead of the Debris Removal Task Force. He spoke of the debris removal program and progress being made.

“We’ve had a lot of great movement this past week,” Ted said. “Progressing to actually seeing things removed, which is great.”

The first phase—Household Hazardous Waste Removal—is managed by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency under executive orders. It involves “assessing and safely removing hazardous materials,” including paints, cleaners, pesticides, fuel, propane tanks, batteries and more from impacted parcels.

As of February 13, Ted said EPA was more than halfway through properties as part of Phase 1. Crews had reached 99% completion on February 25, according to a statement from Governor Gavin Newsom.

Phase 2—Comprehensive Debris Removal Program—can begin at a parcel when Phase 1 is complete. Residents have two options for Phase 2: opting-in to the county’s debris removal program, which is being led by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and Colonel Eric Swenson, or opting-out of the county-run program and hiring a private contractor.

Ted said the Army Corps is working through Phase 2 and clearing properties “rapidly.”

PPCC will host its next regular board meeting on Thursday evening, February 27. A link to the agenda and the Zoom are available at pacpalicc.org.

LA Sanitation Releases Guidance for Managing Swimming Pools in Fire-Impacted Areas

By LILY TINOCO | Assistant Editor

Los Angeles Sanitation released guidance for managing swimming pools in fire-impacted areas, including Pacific Palisades.

Residents should not use their swimming pool until it is in accordance with guidance from the LA County Department of Public Health, according to LA Sanitation.

Debris removal steps will depend on whether or not residents are eligible for Phase 2 of the Debris Removal Program.

For residents who opt in to county-run removal program for Phase 2, it is not advised to proceed with draining the pool—the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, which is leading the removal program, will remove debris and may utilize water in the pool for dust control.

For residents opting out of Phase 2 and hiring a private contractor, an authorized contractor is responsible for proper removal and disposal of debris from the pool.

For residents who are not eligible for Phase 2 of the removal program (if their home is still standing), it is not advised to drain the pool if it can be properly cleaned, in accordance with Public Health.

This process includes cleaning the pool’s skimmer baskets of debris and the surface of the pool with a net to remove floating debris; brushing the sides and bottom of the pool to loosen contaminants, then vacuuming the pool; checking pH levels and adjusting them to fall between 7.2 and 8.0; checking chlorine levels and adjusting the level to a minimum of 2.0 ppm for a pool and 3.0 ppm for a spa; and ensuring the recirculation system is operating by checking the filter pressure and/or flow meter.

If it is necessary to drain the pool, residents are asked to call 323-342-6268 or 323-342-6201 prior to drainage, to schedule an approved drainage start date. Residents will receive a confirmation with details on when the drainage is approved within one business day, according to LA Sanitation. Pool draining reservations will not be issued within 24 hours of forecasted rain or 48 hours after it rains.

Residents are asked to not discharge pool water to the driveway, gutter or storm drain system because the contaminated water would “discharge directly into the ocean with no treatment.”

To drain the pool, LA Sanitation requires a submersible pump, a hose that connects to the submersible pump and is long enough to reach from the pool to the sewer clean-out, and a filter basket or screen with openings no larger than one-quarter of an inch.

“Open the cover of the sewer clean-out and cover the opening with the screen/filter basket,” LA Sanitation explained. “Lower the pump into the deepest area of the pool, near the drain and place the hose discharge into the sewer clean-out. As you drain, monitor flow into the clean-out port to ensure water doesn’t back up into your home’s sink and shower drains.”

If back-up does occur, a plumber should be contacted.

Pacific Palisades Democratic Club to Host Annual Meeting

Courtesy of PPDC

Pacific Palisades Democratic Club will host its Annual Meeting on Sunday, March 2, via Zoom from 2 to 4 p.m.

“After the profound losses from the Palisades fire we rescheduled the 2025 PPDC Annual Meeting originally set for February 2 at Palisades Charter High School and on Zoom,” organizers wrote. “We’re lining up as many elected officials as possible.”

At press time, Councilmember Traci Park, Congressmember Brad Sherman, Senator Ben Allen, Assemblymember Jacqui Irwin, Supervisor Lindsey Horvath, Mayor Karen Bass, City Attorney Hydee Feldstein Soto, Los Angeles Unified School District Board Member Nick Melvoin and Senator Adam Schiff were all slated to appear. Governor Gavin Newsom has been invited, but not confirmed, by PPDC.

RSVPs for the Annual Meeting can be made at palidems.org.

—SARAH SHMERLING

‘Return to the Canyon’

Photo courtesy of Canyon Square

Canyon Square will host “Return to the Canyon” on Saturday, March 1, from 4 to 7 p.m.

“Reunite with your fellow canyon neighbors this Saturday from 4 to 7, celebrating community with focus on recovery, relief and resilience,” read a post about the event.

There will be music, refreshments and food available from Canyon Square vendors. There will be an exhibit: “Mapping the Canyon for Recovery.”

Canyon Square is located at 169 Channel Road.

—SARAH SHMERLING

Your Two Cents’ Worth

Jimmy Dunne

Jimmy Dunne hit the nail on the head with his outstanding 2/13 poem. Brightness and joy in a very dark and sad time.

Casa Nostra

Palisadians who have been displaced to the Thousand Oaks/Conejo Valley area: Casa Nostra has a location in Westlake Village people can consider supporting.

Music

It is music to my ears to see that various concerts have found temporary venues to be performed. Bravo!

HiberTec

It is an interesting idea to build a house that lowers underground.

‘Stronger Together’

Monsignor Liam Kidney and Cantor Chayim Frenkel
Photos courtesy of Sue Kohl

Palisadian Neighbors Gathered at St. Monica at an Event Coordinated by Sunset Mesa Resident Anne Plechner

By SARAH SHMERLING | Editor-in-Chief

If there is one sentiment that continues to ring true, it’s that Palisadians are “Stronger Together.”

This was the idea behind an event that Sunset Mesa resident Anne Plechner planned for the community to gather at St. Monica on Monday, February 17, following the town’s displacement from the Palisades fire.

Billed as an “interfaith community event for neighbors to gather in support of each other,” more than 200 people attended, Plechner explained to the Palisadian-Post.

“We’re bringing the Palisades fire neighbors together for a community gathering—an opportunity to reconnect, share time together and enjoy each other’s company,” read the event description. “This is purely a social gathering—no town halls, just good company. We hope to see you there.”

To bring the event to fruition, Plechner said she worked with her fiancé, Mike Dwyer, as well as her longtime friend Darya Allen-Attar and her husband Michael. Darya had said to Plechner: “Wouldn’t it be lovely if we had a community get together?”

Plechner described calling St. Monica Catholic Community in Santa Monica to request the use of its space for the event. Before she could even finish the thought, she said, her contact had offered the Grand Pavilion.

“They could not have been more supportive,” Plechner said, explaining that they were able to offer a date just a couple of weeks out at the time of the conversation. A representative from St. Monica set up the Eventbrite page, and within five days, 150 people had registered to attend.

Those who attended were able to check in with neighbors, while sipping wine and eating pizza. Extra pizza was given to Palisadians to take to their temporary living spaces.

Monsignor Liam Kidney from Corpus Christi Catholic Church said a few words toward the beginning of the three-hour event, while Cantor Chayim Frenkel from Kehillat Israel “brought the house down,” Plechner said.

Having served in the Palisades for more than 40 years, Frenkel said he “lives, loves and breathes the community.” He referenced the quote, “Life is best lived and most fulfilling when lived in community.”

“Right now, that statement couldn’t be more apropos and true and on the spot in terms of how people are desperate for community,” Frenkel said to the Post. “I saw that Monday.”

Frenkel said that on Monday, he shared with attendees about how in Jewish culture, when a loved one dies, there is a mourning ritual called Shiva.

“There’s no mourning ritual to recite when you lose a home, but it’s a death of sorts,” he described.

But during the event, he explained, he saw “people’s eyes open wider and their shoulders were taller—their heads weren’t down”—and attendees were catching up with each other.

“We are creatures not meant to be alone,” Frenkel said. “We’re just not meant to be alone … The Palisades, that’s really what—I don’t want to say died, because it’s going to come back—but that’s really what we lost. We lost community, among so many other things.”

Plechner said that people drove from all over Southern California to attend, including Ronny Naidoo of Ronny’s Cleaners in Marquez Knolls and Pacific Palisades Community Council President Sue Kohl.

“It was just one of those rooms that was so filled with love and so filled with people reconnecting,” Plechner said. “I can’t even describe how amazing it was … I’m so grateful to St. Monica and the people of the Palisades who showed up for no other reason than to see each other.”

Lower Bienveneda resident of 34 years Marc Birenbaum attended the gathering and expressed his gratitude to St. Monica for hosting.

“It was a wonderful interfaith event where I could talk with so many Palisadians I hadn’t seen since before the wildfire,” Birenbaum said. “Kudos to St. Monica Catholic Community for hosting the event. And there was lots of food offered, including excellent pizza.”

Kohl shared a similar sentiment—thanking the organizers for providing the community with the opportunity to attend.

“It was such a pleasure to see and connect with Palisades friends in such a festive, friendly environment,” Kohl described.

Plechner has deep roots in the community, having graduated from Palisades Charter High School and returning to live in Sunset Mesa over two decades ago.

“I’ve been living in wonderful Sunset Mesa,” she described. “Somehow your hometown calls you back.”

When asked if there would be events like this in the future, Plechner said she was open to planning something, perhaps even coordinating with St. Monica again.

“St. Monica has really stepped up for the fire victims from both fires,” Plechner said. “After they said ‘yes absolutely’ [to hosting the event], their next question was: ‘What else can we do?’ … St. Monica is delighted, as am I, to figure out a second event.”

Kian Elyashar Is Doing His Part

Kian Elyashar coaches the girls basketball team at Revere.
Photo courtesy of Orly Elyashar

By STEVE GALLUZZO | Sports Editor

Known around town as the “teen mayor of the Palisades,” Kian Elyashar has been coaching and refereeing at Palisades Recreation Center for several years—that is until January 7, when his life, and the lives of many friends, co-workers and neighbors, changed forever.

The Palisades fire inflicted severe damage to the rec center big gym, where Elyashar spent most of his time mentoring local children.

“When I saw on the news my place of work … in flames, I just couldn’t believe it,” the 18-year-old said. “I didn’t sleep that night. I hadn’t cried like that in four or five years. I watched this video of the Palisades village completely torn apart … wiped off the map.”

Though his house on Sunset near The Riviera Country Club survived, the smoke damage forced his family to be displaced. They are living in an apartment in Brentwood and were told it would be a year before they can return to their home.

“Luckily our house is OK, but the people behind us had their house burn down along with most our neighborhood,” Elyashar said. “I was sneaking around the Palisades with a couple of buddies when we saw that a house was smoking, so we hosed it down and got the fire department to come, and they were able to save it.”

Since then, he was transferred to Oakwood Recreation Center in Venice—along with many of the players he has come to know so well. He is trying his best to provide athletes, and their families, comfort and a sense of normalcy, knowing a lot of them are living with relatives or in hotels.

“At Pali Rec I was there five days a week but [at Oakwood] I’m only there on Saturdays, but I coach two basketball teams, boys and girls Juniors, and do reffing and scorekeeping,” said Elyashar, whose favorite pre-fire hangouts were Cafe Vida and Will Rogers State Beach. “It’s a sense of giving back because I played at the Pali Rec Center myself and I want to leave these kids with something. My dad Benny was my coach and we got to the finals every year but lost.”

Now Elyashar coaches his younger sister Hailey on the Aces, who have won four Rec League titles in a row (two in the Major Division, two in Junior).   

“It’s ironic how I never won as a player but as a coach we’ve got a dynasty going,” he said with a laugh. “My boys team won too, so actually it’s five in a row for me.”         

Elyashar, a student at Santa Monica College, played beach volleyball and basketball at Palisades Charter High School before graduating last spring. He is already a sophomore at SMC, having earned 30 college credits while still at Pali High, and plans to transfer to USC or UCLA next fall and major in real estate development.

In addition to his job as recreation assistant at the rec center, where he started in October 2023, he has been Paul Revere Charter Middle School’s junior varsity and varsity girls basketball coach for the last seven months.

“The fires [changed] our season and schedule in a major way,” he said. “We started out with 11 players but lost all five of our starters for various reasons—some lost their homes, another girl broke her finger, so by our last game in January, we were down to six players.”

Hailey, a sixth-grader, is on the team and played “up” in the Rec League.

Elyashar also coaches for Vice Elite, a Westside-based club program that used to practice at Calvary Christian School but since the fires has been on the outdoor courts at Revere and Memorial Park in Santa Monica. He heads the 12U team and will be coaching the new 11U and 14U girls squads beginning in March.

Flames Fought

Fighting the fire from their Highlands home
Photos courtesy of Nora Golling

Golling Brothers Recall the Day the Palisades Fire Began, Their Efforts Saving the Family’s Highlands Home

By LILY TINOCO | Assistant Editor

When the Palisades fire began on January 7, siblings Evan and Lucas Golling put in all their effort to save their family’s Highlands home.

When Evan first got news of the fire, he was in class at Pacifica Christian High School—where he is currently a senior. After class, he noticed the number of missed calls he had from his family and rushed home from Santa Monica.

“I parked the car at Vons and ran all the way up the hill,” Evan said to the Palisadian-Post. “I caught a ride up with a photographer … then my brother picked me up halfway up the hill, and we went straight home. We had our generator running the pool pump, and we were soaking the hill in front of [our] house and getting the house wet so nothing would burn down.”

Lucas, who currently attends school on the East Coast, was home for winter break when he and his family saw the fire, and learned it was closing in on their neighborhood from both sides.

“I thought it was going to be a repeat of the Skirball fire … I thought the fire would affect us, but wouldn’t be as bad as it actually was,” Lucas said. “But as it continued throughout the day, it kept getting closer to the house.”

When the fire started, the brothers said that their main goal was to get their water pump out and saturate the surrounding vegetation. With the winds picking up throughout the day, the brothers tried to limit the spread of ambers and avoid them igniting the house.

“While we were at the house and using the fire pump from our pool, a whole tree caught on fire,” Evan recalled. “We put it out before it got bad, but our backyard caught on fire like three different times … It was crazy.”

Evan said he returned to the house for four days following the fire—putting out any hot spots, protecting their home and surrounding areas.

The brothers explained that their father got the generator equipment months ago. They credited a science teacher for their preparation.

“The only reason my dad was able to learn about the fire pumps [and] technology, is because of this science teacher,” Lucas explained. “He advocates for wildfire awareness and actually came to our house one time. He took a 10-minute walk around the house, and pointed out all of the weak points, and showed us different plants and vegetation that would catch fire easily. I think the reason that he is willing to talk and learn from others is a big reason why the house is still standing. It’s little actions like that that can go a long way.”

“I’m so happy that my dad had that idea because without that, our house would have been gone that first night the fire started,” Evan said.

The Golling brothers spoke about memories in the Palisades—recalling time spent around town and what they enjoy most.

“I liked the amount of local establishments we had,” Evan said. “Everything was very personal.”

“Hanging out in the Village with friends and family, being able to get dinner … being able to do anything, it felt like a community,” Lucas added. “It just felt like home wherever you were, no matter what you were doing.”

Theatre Palisades Announces Upcoming Show Dates

An unchanged sign advertises the show that was to be performed next at Pierson Playhouse before it burned down in the Palisades fire.
Photo by Sarah Shmerling

By SARAH SHMERLING | Editor-in-Chief

Though its home base of Pierson Playhouse was lost in the Palisades fire on January 7, Theatre Palisades is planning its return to the stage.

“While losing the building, costumes and sets is profound, our spirit remains unshaken,” read a statement. “Theatre Palisades is committed to rebuilding, and bringing art and live theatre back to our community, stronger than ever. Our Board of Directors are working tirelessly to bring theater back to Pacific Palisades.”

The board said it is “actively exploring insurance options, grants and funding sources” to reconstruct Pierson Playhouse.

Before the fire, Theatre Palisades had planned to open its first show of the 2025 season on Friday, January 10: “Jest a Second,” a follow-up to “Beau Jest,” which was performed in 2024.

The play will now be staged at Westchester Playhouse, home to the Kentwood Players, with nine performances scheduled over two weekends.

“In this follow-up to ‘Beau Jest,’ Sarah and Bob are now married and expecting their first child,” read a synopsis. “However, Sarah’s brother, Joel, is now the one having trouble admitting something to their parents—and Bob once again steps in to ‘help.’ Hilarity once again ensues as the family deals with its latest drama.”

“Jest a Second” performances will take place Thursday, June 12, at 8 p.m.; Friday, June 13, at 8 p.m.; Saturday, June 14, at 2 and 8 p.m.; Sunday, June 15, at 2 p.m.; Thursday, June 19, at 8 p.m.; Friday, June 20, at 8 p.m.; and Saturday, June 21, at 2 and 8 p.m.

“We thank our friends at Kentwood Players for their generosity in providing a venue during this challenging time,” read the statement.

Pierson Playhouse was also home to Theatre Palisades Youth, which is hosting performances of “Crazy for You” at the Paul Revere Charter Middle School auditorium, located at 1450 Allenford Avenue.

“‘Crazy for You’ revolves around a small town that scrambles to put on a lively show—with cowboys, showgirls and 1930s Follies—to save their theater from ruin,” read a synopsis provided by TPY. “With a glorious score from George and Ira Gershwin, this musical is perfect for the entire family.”

“Crazy for You” performances will take place Friday, February 28, at 7 p.m.; Saturday, March 1, at 4 and 7 p.m.; Sunday, March 2, at 1 and 4 p.m.; Friday, March 7, at 5 and 7:30 p.m.; Saturday, March 8, at 4 and 7 p.m.; and Sunday, March 9, at 1 p.m.

Tickets are $25 to $30 for VIP, $22 for general admission, and $17 for students and seniors.

Complimentary tickets are available for those who have lost their home in either the Palisades or Eaton fires.

Theatre Palisades has invited the community to support in its rebuilding efforts, citing that the “generosity will help us rise from the ashes and once again bring the magic of live theatre to the Palisades.”

“Though we have lost our physical space, our dedication to the arts and our community remains steadfast,” the statement read. “With the support of our patrons, partners and fellow theatre lovers, Theatre Palisades will rise again.”

“Live theatre plays a vital role in enriching the lives of residents of all ages, and I am confident that we will rise from this adversity stronger than ever,” Theatre Palisades Board President Philip Bartolf said.

Updates on Theatre Palisades’ progress, as well as ways to support its rebuilding efforts, are available at theatrepalisades.org. To purchase tickets for a performance of “Crazy for You,” visit .

Grief and Trauma After the Palisades Fire

Susan Whitmore
Photo courtesy of griefHaven

Palisadian Susan Whitmore—Founder and CEO of griefHaven—Partners With Three Colleagues to Provide Suggestions for the Community

By SUSAN WHITMORE | Contributing Writer

Shortly after the Palisades fire destroyed our sweet and beautiful town, I began reaching out to media, hoping to get them to address the inevitable grief and trauma in the aftermath of the fire. And I have been frustrated. No media I spoke with seemed interested.

As a grief and trauma expert, I understood that grief and trauma would soon visit those whose houses had burned to the ground—who had lost everything. And I knew that many with houses still standing would be going through their own, different grief and trauma.

I’ve been earnestly wanting to share this much-needed information with you, to help you, to give you actual steps to deal with your and your family’s experiences of loss, whether it be the loss of your house or your community.

When a disaster directly impacts you, when everything you know suddenly changes without your permission, the impact is life-altering and horrifying, resulting in emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual challenges. Such loss is uniquely and intimately yours.

“Even if your home, belongings and loved ones were spared, if your life has been touched by a natural disaster, you are experiencing grief,” renowned grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt said. “You might not think of what you’re going through as grief because you might associate grief with death, but whenever you experience loss, you grieve.”

Yes, all these difficult thoughts and feelings roiling around inside you are part of the panoply of grief.

Often, the feelings and thoughts that follow loss through natural disaster don’t come flooding in until the initial shock recedes and things begin to settle. You might even wonder if you are experiencing grief at all. But it’s when the natural protection our brains give us—numbness and shock—starts to wear off that you may be left thinking, “What is happening to me?”

Everyone experiences grief from loss to one degree or another, and if you haven’t yet, at some point you will. In my work as a grief counselor, I regularly hear my clients express how their grief has “evened the playing field.” This is their way of saying that grief erases distinctions of age, gender, status, wealth and all else—it affects us all, even as our individual experiences vary.

Some people think that grief is reserved for those whose loved ones die. Of course, that is a common way for grief and trauma to enter our lives, but it’s not relegated to just that. Grief doesn’t distinguish between types of loss, and will come to visit after the death of a person, the destruction of property or the loss of community.

Perhaps you find yourself crying easily, feeling sick to your stomach, overeating, generally being sad, angry, edgy, having a short fuse, or reliving what has happened to you over and over while experiencing disbelief or a feeling like this is all a dream. These are but a few of the many normal reactions to loss.

Because the Palisades wildfire leveled our homes and community, grief and trauma will be a part of our lives going forward. Life has changed. We don’t like it. In fact, we may hate it. Still, what can we do now to more easily navigate this journey we have been forced to take?

We might have questions. What are these feelings we are having? Why can’t we sleep? Why are our children afraid to be left alone? How can we help our friends who lost everything? Why do we feel guilty that our place didn’t burn?

Well, there is help, and there are answers. Together with my friends and colleagues, Wolfelt, Dr. Renee Schwartz and Dr. Denise Mandel, we have assembled a list of suggestions to help you and your family.

Suggestions from Susan Whitmore, Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Dr. Renee Schwartz and Dr. Denise Mandel

1. Grief after a disaster is normal and natural.

Your loss is enormous. Grief needs to be given a voice, which means having a way to get the thoughts and feelings inside of you expressed outwardly.

Everyone grieves differently, so allow yourself to grieve in the way that is organic for you. Common ways to allow expression of grief can be crying, exercising, being creative, attending a grief group or seeing a grief specialist. Just do not avoid grief or push it down. After all, the only wrong way to grieve is to deny the experience of grief that you actually have.

With a catastrophic loss on the scale of the Palisades wildfire, both collective and individual grief are present. And both may be triggered unexpectedly, coming in waves and then receding. Just know that when grief comes to visit, you can express it, learn about it and begin to understand how to incorporate it into your life.

2. Actively seek out sources of safety and comfort.

Naturally, you feel vulnerable, unsafe and anxious. Your nervous system is telling you the world can be dangerous. Something violent and out of your control has happened, and it happened to you.

To counterbalance this natural reaction, locate yourself among people and places where you feel safe. If that means moving in with a friend temporarily, that’s OK. If it means avoiding certain places, fine.

Many, myself included, have avoided returning to the Palisades village since the fire. It’s OK, if possible, to avoid it for a time and to more gradually expose yourself to the visual horror the fire left behind.

3. Re-establish some routine as quickly as possible.

Your routine has likely been out of whack since the fire. See if you can reincorporate at least some of it, even when you are overwhelmed with all that needs to be handled after the fire. For instance, if you played pickleball three days per week, try to get back to it, perhaps in a new place where you feel safe and secure.

4. Find ways to share with those who have a similar loss.

Research repeatedly shows us that sharing with others who are going through the same difficult experience of loss can be especially healing and helpful. Don’t fall victim to the cliché that time heals all wounds. Grief waits on “welcome,” not on “time”—a way of saying that grief will wait until you deal with it.

Find a group, grief counselor, spiritual advisor or friends with whom you can share what you are going through. Support groups can be a healing, safe place for those grieving a loss to express their thoughts and feelings. This is the precise time when we can all join hands to support ourselves and others.

5. See survivors’ guilt for what it is.

Survivors’ guilt, which can lead to depression and anxiety, may be quite prevalent now. This guilt reaction is not actually tied to the fact that your place did not burn, but that you care and feel deeply for those who lost everything.

It is, in part, an empathetic response to the suffering of others. If your house did not burn, it is not on you, but literally on which way the wind blew. If you change your thinking to this way of looking at this issue, it will help you let go of the guilt.

6. Your experience of loss may bring up previous times of grief or struggle.

We are the sum of our experiences. Before this fire, you had a specific life experience in your community. Now, not only are you forced to deal with this loss, but it can trigger past experiences of loss or trauma, particularly if they were not fully resolved. Again, sharing with a group or qualified professionals can be most helpful.

7. Follow best practices in helping children.

Your children are grieving too. Their feelings of loss can be enormous, even when they may not recognize such feelings or have difficulty expressing them.

a) Children need to get back to regular routines as quickly as possible. They miss their friends, school, lifestyle and home. Create new routines, including times when they can get together with friends, such as in a park, in your temporary home or at a fun gathering spot.

b) If you are planning to visit the lot where your home used to be, or even if your house is still standing but there is damage in or around it, ask your children if they want to visit with you, but do not make them go. You can begin by explaining that the house burned down or that houses around you burned down. If they do not want to go, then find a time to go when they can stay behind.

c) Monitor how much news of the fire or its aftermath your children are exposed to. In the same way that repeated disturbing images can impact adults, the same is true for children. To avoid distress from the news, a child may say they have a tummy ache, leave the area or seclude themselves. Adults can watch the news at times when the children are not around. And even adults need to carefully assess how much they are watching.

d) Be honest with your children. You might think being stoic or avoiding your grief around them is protecting them. But children can cope with what they know, not with what they don’t know. When they don’t know, they can easily imagine something worse. Be gentle, but real. Avoid euphemisms and hidden agendas.

e) Model healthy grief. If you are feeling sad and missing your community and friends, talking openly with your children about this will help them normalize their similar feelings. Age-appropriate talk is essential. If you shed tears, you can say, “Mommy is feeling sad right now because I’m missing our home and my friends. And sometimes when I am feeling sad, I cry. Do you miss your friends too?” It’s a fine line between being “strong” for your family and being downright stoic, pushing everything away.

f) Children are afraid right now of losing more than they already have. They are feeling insecure about their safety and future. Assure your children that you will always be there for them, that they are safe and that they can talk with you about their feelings.

8. This is the time to practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is as simple as being kind and patient with yourself. Try not to judge the way you are feeling, thinking or even lacking in ability to know what to do. Crises like these can cause people to be edgy or angry, which is also a natural part of grieving. Be aware of these feelings and try not to let these feelings lead to lashing out at or blaming others.

9. What to say and not say to those who are grieving.

Avoid expressions like “these are only things” or “things can be replaced” or “at least you have each other.” Even though these statements have some truth, people have many things that are irreplaceable and filled with meaning. Also, what we might call “things” can be tied to people’s identities, lifestyles and sense of community.

The depth of loss of an entire community and the sense of comfort and safety therein is deeply disturbing. You can simply say, “I’m so sorry for your great loss.” Or if you have close experiences together, you can say something like, “I remember so many wonderful times in your home.”

Validate that they, of course, are struggling, that the loss is catastrophic. And just listen. Let them talk. Give them a hug. Avoid oversharing your opinions or advice because what they need right now is to simply express their feelings and find comfort and refuge in your understanding and compassion.


Susan Whitmore is the founder and CEO of griefHaven, an internationally recognized nonprofit that provides grief and trauma support.  She has been a grief specialist and educator for over 20 years. She lives in the Palisades and lost her griefHaven office in the fire. Denise Mandel, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles, and is a grief and trauma expert. She facilitates griefHaven support groups. Renee Schwartz, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, and is a grief and trauma expert who has a post-graduate fellowship in child and adolescent psychology. She facilitates griefHaven support groups. Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., is a nationally recognized grief and trauma expert and educator whose new book, “Healing Your Grief When Disaster Strikes,” can be ordered on Amazon. For more information, contact griefHaven at 310-459-1789 or visit griefHaven.org.